Just when you thought you were rid of me, I am still here I'm afraid
This week I am going to ignore the World Cup final, where, as an Englishman, the two teams I would least want to see in a final are going to duke it out on the world stage. My son is asking to if he can get up and watch it, and the annoying thing is it is not like Santa Claus where you can tell them that if they get up and try to catch a glimpse of him, he won't come - he knows that the final will take place whether he is watching it or not, but frankly I can't be bothered, if it had been two other teams I might have considered it. But it's not, so I won't be watching it.
Instead I shall be stressing out as I have done my usual trick of leaving the Xmas present purchasing to the last minute
I have decided, though, that the whole concept of Xmas is rather odd.
Think about it: the idea that you are reverse-burgled by a fat bloke - who doesn't want to be seen unless it is out of the corner of an eye, but is nevertheless dressed in an eye-catching bright red suit - is fundamentally creepy. This is a fellow who, incidentally, also spends all year surveilling each of us before making a moral judgement on whether we have been naughty or nice, with no course for redress, no option to plead our case when a negative decision is made
Then there are the apparent hordes of miniature slaves, who "love" nothing more than toiling away all the long hard day to make toys and gifts to entertain and enthrall us - all overseen by the fat bloke and his "good" lady wife
Well, sinister isn't a strong enough word for it.
And that's ignoring the "fact" that he is pulled around the planet at impossible speeds by flying reindeer.
Flying Reindeer?!? Reindeer that have the ability to fly?
If you were a reindeer that could fly, do you think you would stick around in the Arctic circle? Scrabbling around in the permafrost for rock hard, plant ice-blocks, keeping a weather eye out for hungry wolves and polar bears?
It's not as if the reindeer don't know about the world outside of their negative temperature stables and pastures - they have the opportunity to literally see the entire world as they haul the fat bloke around the planet for the 'pay" of an unlimited number of carrots during a one-night-only tour of the world's rooftops - surely they must spot the odd place as they go and think, "you know what, that bit there looks lovely, the next time they take the harness off, I'm gone"
And yet you don't see many reindeer living it up on the French Riviera, or taking in the sites at the Taj Mahal, or sitting on a beach somewhere, sipping a nice cocktail as they watch the rest of the world speed by for a change.
It's all a con
Just don't tell the kids
Stay safe, play well, and have a wonderful Xmas and New Year, and I look forward to seeing you all out there soon
Steve